Best Jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe 2015

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Aug 262015
 

1: “I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free” – Darren Walsh

2: “Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse … but enough about Kanye West” – Stewart Francis

3: “Surely every car is a people carrier?” – Adam Hess

4: “What’s the difference between a ‘hippo’ and a ‘Zippo’? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter” – Masai Graham

5: “If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn’t go” – Dave Green

6: “Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That’s not a miracle. That’s tapas” – Mark Nelson

7: “Red sky at night. Shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night. Day” – Tom Parry

=8: “The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves” – Alun Cochrane

=8: “Clowns divorce. Custardy battle” – Simon Munnery

10: “They’re always telling me to live my dreams. But I don’t want to be naked in an exam I haven’t revised for…” – Grace The Child

 

My personal favourite is number 7…

 Posted by at 1:50 pm

The Ralph Collection

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Jul 262015
 
 Posted by at 4:33 pm

Top 10 Jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe 2014

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Aug 242014
 

1) “I’ve decided to sell my hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.”
Tim Vine

2) “I’ve written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn’t fit it into my set.”
Masai Graham

3) “Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief.”
Mark Watson

4) “I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn’t work. You could only fill it in with number 1s and number 2s.”
Bec Hill

5) “I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn’t let me.”
Ria Lina

6) “Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal.”
Paul F Taylor

7) “Scotland had oil, but it’s running out thanks to all that deep frying.”
Scott Capurro

=8) “I forgot my inflatable Michael Gove, which is a shame ’cause halfway through he disappears up his own a——-.”
Kevin Day

=8) I’ve been married for 10 years, I haven’t made a decision for seven.”
Jason Cook

10) “This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it.”
Felicity Ward

 Posted by at 4:41 pm

2014 resolution… Write more blog entries…

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Jan 082014
 

OK – it’s the 8th of January and I haven’t yet done this, but last year took the whole purpose away from doing this kind of thing – I have noted already on this blog that the 2nd half of 2013 was bad for me, and I’m not going to expand on that now – however 2014 seems to be filled with the optimism that each new year deserves – in spite of the horrible weather! Rain, Rain, Rain and then Wind with Rain mixed in…

In better news, Ralph has arrived and is likely to be heavily featured from here on – so if you don’t like dogs… Unsubscribe!

Here are a couple of his first pictures from the last 10 days that we’ve had him…

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 Posted by at 2:29 am

Edinburgh Fringe top 10 Jokes

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Aug 212013
 

Here are the top 10 fringe jokes – my favourite this year is number 1

TOP 10 FUNNIEST JOKES FROM THE FRINGE FESTIVAL 2013:

• 1. Rob Auton – “I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa.”

• 2. Alex Horne – “I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying.”

• 3. Alfie Moore – “I’m in a same-sex marriage… the sex is always the same.”

• 4. Tim Vine – “My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him ‘Don’t be Sicily’.”

• 5. Gary Delaney – “I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell.”

• 6. Phil Wang – “The Pope is a lot like Doctor Who. He never dies, just keeps being replaced by white men.”

• 7. Marcus Brigstocke – “You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost.”

• 8. Liam Williams – “The universe implodes. No matter.”

• 9. Bobby Mair – “I was adopted at birth and have never met my mum. That makes it very difficult to enjoy any lapdance.”

• 10. Chris Coltrane – “The good thing about lending someone your time machine is that you basically get it back immediately.”

 Posted by at 12:00 am

Birthday weekend in Bath…

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May 162013
 

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Had a great weekend I  Bristol/Bath – the weather wasn’t great, but we had fun in spite of it. Went to the Spa and then visited the roman baths

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Champagne and strawberries on Saturday and Sunday!

 Posted by at 10:20 pm